James and Sissell both liked my thesis statement. James suggested to make my essay more personable as apposed to it sounding like a college essay. While Sissell suggests that I input more facts in my essay.
I plan on finish my essay from my point of view to make the overall essay more personable. As far as more use of quotations and facts I think I have quoted a sufficient amount in each paragraph or my essay so far.
My main concern with writing this paper is having this essay have a coherent flow, being able to have my ideas connect from paragraph to paragraph.
I think I need help with minimizing my personal opinions and focusing more on facts when writing my papers.
I plan on going to the writing lab to seek their input. I also read over my writing assignment to someone else to see if i get my points across in an effective way
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